In Setsuna's Dreams
by Zdood
Summary: Setsuna has an odd dream involving her, Konoemon, Konoka, and a Looney Tunes parody. Read it- you know you want to. KonoSetsu and yuri, with a dash of crack. You have been warned. XD. Now a series of weird oneshots.
1. In Setsuna's Dreams

Zdood Presents:

In Setsuna's Dreams

Disclaimer: Don't own Negima. If I did, there would most likely be much more yuri and probably some exploding penguins for good measure. Also, I don't own Looney Tunes.

AN: For purposes of this fic, Setsuna will be roomed with Kaede.

Enjoy!

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It had been a long day. A very, very long day. A day longer than even Chuck Norris' dick, amazingly (Don't ask). And as Setsuna trudged back to her and Kaede's room, ready to plop down in bed, she could not help but hope that she would have good dreams. You know, to help alleviate the stress of the day (I won't go into details, but I will say that the day's events involved Negi, a rusty spoon, some peanut butter, and a really depraved walrus that claimed to be God).

Little did she know that someone out there (cough, me, cough) was planning to royally screw with her tonight.

After reaching her destination and getting ready for bed, putting on pajamas and such, she muttered out a "Good Night" to the already-asleep Kaede before joining dreamland herself. I can guarantee you that her trip there will not involve any cute pink puffballs that fight cosmic horrors on a regular basis, however.

1111 Dreamland 1111

"Hello Setsuna-kun," greeted the dream Konoemon Konoe as Setsuna stood in a dream Headmaster office, "I have a request for you."

"Um, yes Headmaster?" she queried, curious as to what the dream Konoemon would ask. After all, who knows what kind of weird shit can happen in dreams?

"Well… I happen to have an o-miai for Konoka here…" Konoemon said, pausing for a moment.

"Yes?..." Setsuna prompted, somewhat agitated at the mention of an o-miai. Konoka should be able to marry whomever she wants, after all.

She would soon change her opinion, however…

"And the o-miai's for you, Setsuna-kun!"

Setsuna stiffened in shock, dumbfounded at what she thought she heard.

She just stood there.

And stood there.

And stood there some more. Until, finally…

"…What?"

"You heard me. But, if you want me to make this valid," Konoemon began as he jumped onto his desk,"… then you'll have to catch me first!" He finished as dashed off to who-knows-where.

"MEEP-MEEP!" He, uh… said.

Meanwhile, Setsuna still stood there.

"…What?"

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Now, as Setsuna chased the dream Konoemon through the expanse of her mind, the first thought that came to her now-recovered brain was,

"_How the heck did we wind up in an American desert?"_ And she had good reason to wonder that. I mean, seriously, how DID they wind up in an American desert? Ah, whatever, it's not really important anyway. Stupid dream mechanics…

Anyway, as she chased Konoemon through the vast, barren expanse of what she suspected was somewhere near Alberquerque, she had a shocking revelation- why not use the weirdass dream mechanics to her advantage? And so she did just that. She had, after all, been given a challenge, and even if it WAS a dream, she still wanted to take it up, and that would be the best way to succeed.

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"MEEP-MEEP" shouted the Dean, who was running at speeds to rival Sonic the Hedgehog, unsuspecting of Setsuna's trap. She had laid a crapton of explosives underneath an area on the road that Konoe-runner was currently running to. And, using her highly keen senses, pressed down the detonator at just the right time…

"MEEP-MEEP" shouted the Dean as he ran past the trap that had, curiously, not exploded. Setsuna just stared dumbfoundedly. Then…

BOOM!

As the explosives activated late and sent a huge chunk of rock at her, her only thought was,

"_Oh, crap."_

1111

And for Setsuna's next trick, she had painted a fake tunnel onto a boulder and a fake street line leading to it and was hiding nearby, eagerly awaiting her success and the soon-to-be-approved o-miai that would engage her to her beloved, sexy Kono-chan…

"_NO! Bad Setsuna! Don't you DARE think of Konoka-ojou-sama in such a lewd fashion!"_ She shook her head to clear her mind as Konoe-runner approached…

"MEEP-MEEP!" He shouted, now wearing a roadrunner costume for some reason. Setsuna waited as he came closer, and closer, and…

ZOOM!

… Went right through the fake tunnel as if it had been real! Just like she planned!... Wait, what?

"Oh, come on! That defies the laws of physics!" she protested, before "well, if he can do it, so can I!" And then she ran toward the fake tunnel, intent on going through it…

CRASH!

…But, obviously, only managing to crash into it.

"…Ow…"

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Setsuna had temporarily lost Konoe-runner and was now merely wandering through the desert, pondering her next course of action, when suddenly…

"MEEP-MEEP!" came a voice… but it wasn't Konoe-runner. As the blur zoomed past her, she saw that it was an actual bird, not some crazy old guy wearing a bird costume. This blur was followed by another one, which appeared to be a coyote. Weird.

She watched the two blurs zoom into the distance, before turning back to the task at hand.

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"MEEP-MEEP!" yelled Konoe-runner as he sped ahead of Setsuna, who was currently chasing after him. Hey, if cartoon antics don't work, then just go for the old-fashioned way, right? However, the Dean made a very quick U-turn that Setsuna was not able to react to in time. As a result, she wound up dashing over a nearby cliff. Oops.

The dean stood on the cliff, watching her fall for a minute, and then with another "MEEP-MEEP!" he sped off.

"…Damn…" she muttered as she fell.

And, after falling for a bit, the coyote she saw chasing the roadrunner earlier started falling into place beside her. She stared for a moment, before asking, "You, too?" The coyote just nodded as the duo fell to their doom. Their hilarious, hilarious doom.

1111Some time later 1111

"YES! YES! I FINALLY CAUGHT YOU!" shouted a very beaten-up and exasperated and slightly crazed Setsuna to the finally-captured Konoe-runner. " NOW O-MIAI ME!"

"Okay. Here you go." Konoemon said as he handed the valid form to Setsuna. "Now, can you please untie my legs?"

"No."

"Oh well. Please take good care of my granddaughter, then."

"I will, sir." Setsuna sighed, happy to have finally done it.

Then, all of a sudden Konoka appeared and said, "Yay! Let's get married right now, Set-chan! Then we can have hot honeymoon sex!"

"Uh, um.." Setsuna stuttered, surprised by dream Konoka's sudden appearance and embarrassed by what she said, "um…uh… alright, Kono-chan…"

1111 Later 1111

Setsuna's odd dream had now whisked her to a church. Konoka and her were being wedded, Konoka wearing a suave tuxedo and Setsuna a wedding gown.

"_Odd,"_ Setsuna thought, "_I always figured I would be the one in the tuxedo if we got married."_

"Konoka, do you take Setsuna to be your lawfully wedded wife?" asked dream Negi, who was playing the role of the priest.

"I do"

"And Setsuna, do you take Konoka to be your lawfully wedded… uh, wife?"

"I do"

"You, uh, may kiss now."

And they did.

1111 later, again 1111

The newlyweds appeared to be in a hotel room of some sort.

"Set-chaaan" Konoka whispered seductively.

Setsuna just blushed a shade of red that would make a tomato jealous.

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As Setsuna woke from her wonderful dream, she found that it was still the middle of the night, Kaede still sleeping soundly nearby. She sat for a moment, thinking… before getting up, gathering her sheets, and heading for the nearest laundry room, being careful not to wake Kaede. Ten bucks says you guys can't guess why she was heading to the laundry room.

Meanwhile, Kaede, who hadn't really been asleep, muttered " I never thought Setsuna could've been a closet pervert. I'll bet half the academy heard her moaning in her sleep." She rolled over a bit, "Well, I guess ya learn something new every day."

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In the laundry room (which had but a single window through which a full moon shone), Setsuna was standing, pants AND pantie-less (they both got pretty stained), as she had been in a rather huge rush to get there, hoping that no one would come in as she washed her clothes and sheets. But, as it would happen,…

"Oh! Set-chan, what are you doing here?" asked Konoka, who had walked into the room with some laundry.

"K-K-Konoka-ojou-sama! I-I uh, was just washing some… uh… clothes?" the highly embarrassed and blushing samurai ventured, covering up her exposed private area. "Um… w-what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just forgot to take care of the laundry earlier. Silly me! Hee!" Konoka replied as she put some clothes in a washer, either not noticing that Setsuna was pants and pantie-less or not caring. As she finished, she moved to stand by Setsuna.

The two stood there for a while, not saying anything, until, out of the blue…

"Hey, Set-chan, doesn't this seem kind of romantic? I mean, we're all alone in here, and that beautiful full moon is shining in through that window and all…"

"Um… I guess?" Setsuna replied, confused. She then turned to Konoka…

To find that the girl had a rather perverted look on her face.

"Set-chaaan," she whispered seductively.

"…_Am I still dreaming?"_ Setsuna thought to herself.

Konoka, meanwhile, just licked her lips hungrily.

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And that's the end, doods! Hope you all liked it! Be sure to review, okay?


	2. A LoveHate Relationship

Disclaimer: I do not own anything I use in this fic except perhaps what little plot that exists.

Note: I've decided to turn this fic into a series of random oneshots. Some will be short, some long, some yuri, some not, most weird, and most will probably be cracky to some degree.

So, you've all read oneshot number 1- In Setsuna's Dreams- now welcome to oneshot number 2!

**A Love-Hate Relationship**: An AsuAya short.

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In some random hallway in the school, Asuna and Ayaka were arguing. Again. And for like, the fifth time today. At this point, however, their argument had mostly degenerated to random insults.

"Shotacon!" shouted Asuna.

"Retirement home robber!" shouted Ayaka back.

"Cradle-robber!"

"Gorilla!"

"Bitch!"

"Slut!"

Now, Asuna was _pissed_. As she fumed, she yelled,

"I HATE YOU _SO_ MUCH!"

"I HATE YOU MORE!"

"NO, I HATE _YOU_ MORE!"

"NO, I HATE _**YOU**_ MORE!"

Asuna was steadily getting angrier, to the point that she couldn't even form a coherent sentence.

"Yeah! Well-I-…"

"Yeah?! You what!"

Suddenly, Asuna was struck with an odd idea, and, as she wasn't really thinking straight at the moment, decided to implement it.

"Well…"

Asuna suddenly leaned in and gave Ayaka a quick kiss on the lips.

"I _love_ you." she said.

Ayaka, now rather red-faced, just stood there, stammering dumbfoundedly.

"I-you-what-huh?!"

Smirking, Asuna decided to take advantage of Ayaka's stunned state, and tapped the middle of the class rep's chest lightly with a finger. Ayaka's response?

THWACK

Well, she just fell over backwards and fainted.

"Heh, heh, heh…" Asuna chuckled.

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Well, that's that, doods! Now do me a favor and leave a review, please. :)


	3. Negi gets Really Stinking Plastered

Disclaimer: … meh, I don't feel like writing it. Screw the lawyers.

Well, welcome to oneshot number 3 everyone! But, before I begin with the weirdness, I'd just like to say that I have another fic in the planning stages at the moment- the details are at the bottom, tell me what you all think when ya get there ( I know it's a rather shameless plug, but ask me if I care)!

Well, anyways, let the randomness begin!

Number 3- **Negi gets Really Stinking Plastered**

…Uh, yeah, I think the title speaks for itself.

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The Narutaki twins, infamous pranksters of Mahora! The duo at the moment was sneaking into a teachers' conference to see what they could pull on their beloved child teacher, Negi. To this end, they brought quite a lot of equipment… including several 'alcohol pills.' Considering the title, it shouldn't take a genius to figure out what will happen with those….

That being said, as they snuck into the room, unnoticed (they really had to thank Kaede for the ninja training later), they noticed that Negi had a glass with some juice beside him on the table where the various teachers were conversing.

Now, let's see… alcohol pills plus glass of juice equals… yeah. Fuka placed several pills into the drink before she and her sister snuck back out.

"… Are you sure about this, neechan?" asked Fumika.

"Don't worry about it, sis! It'll be fun!" And she was right… after all, I'm fairly certain that you all will be enjoying yourselves (by the way, if you die laughing, it wasn't me).

…Well… LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

1111 Later 1111

It was nighttime. The walkways around the school were mostly deserted, the majority of the students having gone to bed for the night. As it would happen, however, the alcohol pills that had been slipped into Negi's juice had begun to take effect. As a result…

"(hic) hehehe…(hic)" Negi said as he stumbled around the walkways drunkenly, not having the slightest clue as to where he was going. Hell, for all he knew at the moment (which was next to nothing), he had been transported to the Grand Jury of Living Socks of Planet Weird while naked.

"Why hello there, child." Said what appeared to be a talking walrus.

"(hic)…oh, helloz, sir… (hic)… whoz might youz be?" Oh yeah, and did I mention that he was beginning to hallucinate, too? Yeah, that might be important.

"Me? I am…" the hallucinatory Walrus began, "THE GREAT XYZPLSTEK, MIGHTY WALRUS GOD OF ALL WHO LIVE! BOW BEFORE ME, SNIVELLING MORTAL!"

"…huh?" slurred Negi, probably not even understanding a single word the illusion had said.

"… Okay, dude, you know you're wasted when you can't even understand your own hallucinations. Well, see ya kid. I have to meet my friend. He's an exploding penguin!" said Xyzplstek as he sprouted butterfly wings and flew away.

"TO INFINITY, AND BEYOOOOOND!" He shouted as he flew.

"(hic)… huh?"

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After some more stumbling around, Negi had managed… to stay just as lost as before. Even worse, he began to hallucinate again. He naturally didn't realize this, being as drunk as he was. As a result, he thought that the flock of flying pigs he saw flying in the air above him were real.

"Oink! Oink! Oink!" the flock of swine chorused.

Negi, as drunk as he was, somehow still managed to make out the words on a sign one of the flying porkchops held in its hoof (how it did that in the first place is beyond me…)

The sign read, "KONOSETSU 4EVA!" And after that pig flew by, another one holding another sign came into Negi's field of distorted vision.

This sign read, "BUGS BUNNY FOR PRESIDENT 2012, DOC!" And after that…

A third pig had a sign that read "ARE YOU WEIRDED OUT YET?"

And with that the last of the pigs flew by.

"(hic)…I's wantz ah porkchup now…(hic)" Negi slurred, not even really realizing what the hell just happened as he stumbled off somewhere else.

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Negi, after a while (a long, long, loooong while), had managed to find his way to an area near his, Asuna, and Konoka's room. After which he plopped down against a wall and tried to gather his thoughts. It didn't work too well. And then,

"Hey Negi-bozu. What's up?" asked Asuna.

"Asuna-sanz (hic) iz that youz?"

"No, actually, I'm just a hallucination brought on by the fact that you are incredibly wasted to the point that you may or may not have some brain damage." Said the illusory Asuna.

"Oh… Ohkays (hic)" Negi replied to the illusion.

"By the way, in case you're wondering, the real Asuna's coming down the hall looking for you now. That being said, I'm off to the lesbian orgy that Illusory Class 3-A is having. I'm hoping to get it in good with illusory Ayaka. See ya!" and illusion Asuna ran off. No more than 5 seconds later,

"OHMIGAWD! NEGI, WHAT HAPPENED?" demanded the real Asuna, who had been quite worried about Negi's whereabouts (though probably wouldn't admit it even under threat of torture), and now was even more worried due to Negi's rather drunken state.

"Oh, heyz (hic) Asuna-sanz! Didn't youz just go ta a (hic) lezbianz orgy?"

"_Wait, what?" _Asuna thought, _"...Must've been hallucinating, the brat."_ She sighed in annoyance.

"I think I have an idea of how this happened, and there'll DEFINITELY be hell to pay, but first let's get you to bed." And so she carried him off.

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Now having put Negi to bed, Asuna set off to the task of looking for the culprit of Negi's condition and beating the crap out of them. She was pretty sure Negi didn't get HIMSELF drunk, after all. And so, her goal in mind, she began glaring at me…

… Wait, what?

"I know you're the one behind all this, Zdood…" Asuna growled, cracking her knuckles menacingly. "After all, you're the one who wrote the story… The Narutakis were just pawns in your game."

"Um, wait a sec! Can't we talk about-" I began.

"SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN! ADEAT!"

"OH CRAP! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE- AAAAAAAAAH!"

CRACK! BZZZT! BEEEP!

… **Sorry, we are currently having technical difficulties. Please wait while this matter is resolved. **

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… YES! I'M ALIVE!... Just barely. As I write this, I am in a hospital bed. You'll pay for this, Asuna Kagurazaka….

Well, anyway, hope you enjoyed the oneshot! Please review!

…Oh yeah, I mentioned a story I was going to shamelessly plug at the end of this, right? You know, from back at the beginning?

Well, here's the plug. Tell me what you guys think! (I'll probably still write it eventually anyway, but I want some feedback.)

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**Omake: Story in the Works**

I have, in its planning stages, the first ever Slayers x Negima! Crossover! The title will be **Mahou Sensei Lina Inverse**, but I don't plan on revealing much of the plot yet. It will primarily be Humor/Adventure (the humor won't be quite to the extremes of these oneshots, obviously, but hopefully still enjoyable), with some Romance thrown in.

…Speaking of that, the pairings? Either hetero, yuri, or both. Expect KonoSetsu to be included, and I've even got plans for a Pervy (!) Setsuna (expect much lols).

On another note, there will be a few OCs, but I'll do what I can to make them interesting. They won't be overpowered, though, don't worry.

With all that said, here's a teaser trailer.

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**Omake Part 2: Teaser Trailer**

_Unknown voice: "We all know about the four worlds created by the Lord of Nightmares. And if there are those four, isn't it possible that there are more worlds out there? And isn't it possible that the great Flare Dragon God Cephied would be smart and powerful enough to send some fragments of our Dark Lord Shabranigdo to these other worlds, to prevent his revival at full power? I am Umbra the Mazoku, and this is my theory…."_

_Umbra: "YOU FOOL! YOU'VE TAMPERED WITH THE GATE!"_

_Lina's voice: "What the- Where am I?"_

"_I'm Lina Inverse, and I'm your new PE instructor!"_

"_DRAGOOOON… SLAVE!"_

_BOOOOM!_

"_There IS a fragment of Shabranigdo on this world, and I WILL find it! So swears I, Umbra, Master of Shadows!"_

"_Well, this is an interesting class, isn't it, kid?"_

"_Yes, Lina-neechan, I suppose it is. And this is shaping up to be an interesting year."_

"… _I'd say that's an understatement, Negi-bozu."_

_**Coming soon to a fanfiction site near you…**_

_**Mahou Sensei Lina Inverse!**_

"_Read it, or I'll REALLY start some trouble!"_

"_Lina-neechan, should you really be threatening the readers?"_

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Well, there's the preview. And the oneshot. And, now that they're both over…

REVIEW, PLZ! XD


	4. In Konoka's Dreams

Disclaimer: Insert "I don't own (insert name here)" here.

Notes: Wow. Last chapter evidently wasn't exactly you guys' cup of tea. Seriously, no reviews? Ah, whatever. Something tells me this chapter will be more your speed, anyway….

But before we start, two things. First, **I would still like some feedback for that trailer-plug thing I stuck in the last chapter. What do you guys think? Maybe include some thoughts in a review of this chap? **Second, **Do you think I should make the last oneshot a standalone one instead of part of this series? If so, should I make the series of oneshots you're currently reading into EXCLUSIVELY yuri ones? Tell me what y'all think, people! Your opinion DOES matter, you know!**

That all being said, on with the show!

Next up, **In Konoka's Dreams**

…Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so. Enjoy the pseudo-sequel, doods!

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It had been a long day. A very, very, long day. A day longer than even Chuck Norris' dick, amazingly…wait, you already know this part. Setsuna trudges to her room, there was a bizarre incident I refuse to reveal, yadda, yadda, yadda….

BUT, what you all don't know is KONOKA'S side of this tale! I bet you're all dying to know, aren't you? Well…

WAIT TILL NEXT CHAP TO FIND OUT! CLIFFY OF DOOM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

…Just kidding! Now let's all pay dear Konoka a visit, shall we?

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In some random hallway in the academy, Konoka, like her beloved Set-chan, was also quite tired from the day's events and trudging to her room. She, too, was hoping to have a good night's sleep. And her visit to Dreamland, like Setsuna's, will not feature any pink puffballs. Sorry, Kirby fans!

… It will, however, contain copious amounts of weirdness topped with crack sauce.

As she trudged into her, Negi, and Asuna's room, the aforementioned duo currently asleep, she made her way to her bed, noticing a basket of laundry lying nearby. "_Too tired to do laundry,_" Konoka thought,_ "Must rest…"_ And she plopped down onto her bed, not even bothering to change out of her school clothes, and asleep even before she hit the pillow.

1111 Dreamland 1111

Konoka appeared in the middle of a forest as her dream began… wearing a hunter's outfit, oddly enough. Perplexed, she became even more confused upon seeing that, instead of a gun to hunt with, she had a crossbow. The crossbow had something engraved in it as well.

The engraving read, "Property of Cupid." Strange.

Realizing that she was dreaming, Konoka just shrugged and walked off to see what she could do to pass the time.

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After walking for a while, Konoka happened upon a rabbit hole. Deciding to go along with the theme of the dream, she readied her crossbow and crept toward the burrow.

"Be very, very quiet! I'm hunting, um… well, I don't know yet, actually. I think it's a rabbit, though…" she said while doing this. Nearing the hole, she pointed her arrow inside and stated, "Come out, come out, wherever you are…"

Focused on her task, Konoka failed to notice something coming out of another, nearby, hole. And it was…

A dream Setsuna in a playboy bunny outfit. No, not the bunny outfit from volume 10 of the manga, an actual PLAYBOY BUNNY outfit.

…You may all thank me now as you pass out from nosebleeds.

The dream Setsuna walked up from behind Konoka, unnoticed, and asked, "What's up, Kono-chan?"

"Oh, I'm just hunting whatever lives in this burrow. I'm not sure what it is, though…"

"That would be me, Kono-chan."

"Okay, so I guess that means I'm hunting you with this Cupid crossbow, Set-chan!" A moment passed after Konoka said this. Then another. And another. Then, "WAIT, WHAT?" Konoka yelled as she whirled around…

SMOOCH

Only to receive a playful kiss from Setsuna before she leapt back into the other hole.

"Wait, Set-chan! Don't play hard to get! Set-chan!" Konoka whined, not managing to catch the rascally (not to mention sexy) playboy rabbit before she reached the safety of her burrow.

Then Konoka realized something.

"Wait, I think I've seen this somewhere before…" she said, thinking for a moment. "Oh yeah! It was that one American cartoon! Well, I think I know a way to get Set-chan to come out and play, then…" That being said, she put away her crossbow somewhere, and pulled out…

A bazooka with "Property of Cupid" written on the side….

Wait, what? Well, just goes to show that being genre savvy is a dangerous thing.

But, before Konoka could use Cupid's Bazooka (why he got a bazooka in the first place, I do not know…), Bunny Setsuna leapt out of her hole and shouted,

"W-WAIT! KONO-CHAN! I SURRENDER!" Then, kneeling before the mighty Kono-chan, she said, more softly, "Please, Kono-chan, have your way with me."

Konoka put down the bazooka and licked her lips.

Dream Setsuna just blushed a rather nice shade of red.

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As she woke up from her (rather nice) dream, Konoka noticed that her sheets were wet. She tossed the sheets in with the rest of the laundry in the basket, and then thought, "_Well, I feel rested, if a little horny… Guess I might as well do the laundry now. I should probably get rid of the evidence anyway…"_

And so she exited the room, in something of a rush I might add, to do the laundry, gorgeous full moon shining through the various windows of the hallway. The fact that she was in a rush _probably_ had something to do with why she didn't seem to notice that her skirt and panties needed to be washed as well, nudge nudge wink wink. But, before we join her…

"Asuna-san, why was Konoka-san moaning? Was she hurt?"

"…Go back to sleep Negi-bozu."

"But…"

"Sleep! Now!"

"Um, alright…"

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As Konoka entered the laundry room, she saw Setsuna in there as well… without any undergarments on.

"Oh! Set-chan, what are you doing here?" she asked the swordswoman… and I'm sure you know the rest. Let's fast forward to the good part, shall we?

Konoka, staring at her Set-chan with a rather perverted look on her face, whispered "Set-chaaan" seductively, licking her lips hungrily.

"_If this is another dream, then I don't want to wake up for a loooong time."_

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Well, that's the end!

And as per what the two lovebirds did, well… that's for me to know and for you to beg me to write about! SO KNEEL BEFORE ME AND GROVEL, WORMS! MWAHAHAHAHA!

…Or of course, you could just let your imaginations run wild.

Anyways, please review! And also, please tell me your opinions about the stuff I mentioned waaay back at the top. You know, the stuff I bolded? Pretty please?

…Well, until next time, doods!


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